She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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