The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
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I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
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I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
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