my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
