super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
