Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
