my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
