I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
