i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
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