I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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