I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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