I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
