I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Randomize
