we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
