You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
you never un-have a 4some
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
