I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
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You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
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He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
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