Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
