sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
