This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
