Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
