I feel like abortions should bother me more
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
