just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
