One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Randomize
