Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Too much gin, very little bucket
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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