the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
