Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Randomize
