So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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