youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
