life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
