So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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