don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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