Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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