You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
what day is it and did you see me today?
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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