I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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