loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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