I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
