I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
