May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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