But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
