You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Randomize
