she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
You don't make any sense
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