Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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