I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
