It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
