Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
