an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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