i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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