Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
