Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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