HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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