just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
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