she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
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