She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
