I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Randomize
