I just cut my nipple shaving
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
