it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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