bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
