Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
