So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
