I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
