so that wasnt chicken after all
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
