what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
