He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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