she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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