They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
