and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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