PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
