I love watching others lives come down to our level.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
