AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
