I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
and i looked up. we had an audience...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I wish there were birth control emojis
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie