i wish starbucks made bloody marys
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??