P.S. I can't hear my feet
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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