I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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