So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.