i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
