for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I want to be your penis for a week.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
