Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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