i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize
