you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Randomize
