i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
